I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
