This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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