new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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