words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
