i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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