Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
