I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
