I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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