and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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