It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
