now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
