What did we do last night that was yellow?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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