Yo dont text me then not text me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize