So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
