Me too!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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