I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
