some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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