Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
