Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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