last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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