P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
my poor anus
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
