Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
