my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize