3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
