I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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