Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
