Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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