That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
