tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
two words: eviction party
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
