i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you inspire me to be a worse person
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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