I swear god or herbie drove my car home
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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