Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
