Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
