if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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