Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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