if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
