not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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