john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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