oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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