This is not my ceiling
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
