can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize