Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
