Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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