It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
