I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Every concussion has its silver lining
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize