I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
