Too much gin, very little bucket
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
