As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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