you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
