She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
