were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
