can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
