The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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