i just had sex bonerless
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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