I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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