i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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