so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
