you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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