new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
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