I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
