Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
