two words: eviction party
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
