ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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