There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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