Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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