I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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