So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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