oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
