Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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