Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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