um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
