I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize