i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
