I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
