you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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