I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
