I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I came so hard my ears popped.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
