You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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