It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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