so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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