the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
