I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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