Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
