I am in a vortex of obligation.
babies were throwing up all over the place
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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