I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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