you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
