Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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