Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
