Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
