i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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