Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
