I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
