I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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