just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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