Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
