wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
