You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
