he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
