my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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