i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
