She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
