six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Drunk is a universal language darling
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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